The Opening Lines NOT to Use

Guys. Really? These should NOT be your opening lines to women.

1) From S: So what are you up to?

Really? REALLY.

2) From Z: How are you?

Disinterested. That's how I am. I almost feel like writing him a psycho response. You know, along the lines of: "omg! I'm great right now cause I'm coked out my eyeballs! And yet I still managed to eat an entire pizza right now because I'm trying to get a big ol' roll on my belly that my eight cats can climb up and sleep on! Oh I do so love my cats. They lick my face each night until I fall asleep. Which, oooh! Means I feel CLEAN right now too! So that's my answer. How am I? Clean!"

Seriously. RME. (which, I learned from a colleague means "rolling my eyes." Thought I'd explain because you'll probably see a lot of that here)

3) From L: hi

Wow. Can't compete with that. Bet he gets all the girls in the bars with that one.

4) From M: hi there. how r u doing?

What is this, a text message? A tweet? (even then you have 116 more characters, bub.) All over my profile you can find how much an English geek I am. "r u" ain't gonna cut it in my world. But, hey. I'll answer: I'm CLEAN!

5) From C: it seems like you are a camera girl, huh? well anyway, nice to meet you.

I'm a camera girl? Um, because I posted pictures of myself and you didn't? Yup. I'm a camera girl alright.


Now, lest you think I'm mean without knowing me well? I'd like to explain. I actually am. :-) There have actually been a couple of folks who did do the opening email correctly. Correspondence is occurring. But what fun would it be if I started my blog like that?